Life is simple, natural and effortlessly beautiful. It's like a road, full of long, straight lines, twists and turns, occasional bumps, even the unavoidable dead ends. All that happens in one's brief existence from the past to the future winds up and develops to the point of thinking: who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? What am I really doing?
Coming of age with nothing but my own thoughts and values at heart, I stumbled through life as a young adult carelessly. I was confused, not really knowing what to do in life, building shallow ambitions, trying to connect with other people in order to feel accepted and appreciated. I was a good girl, but I always felt a hollow space inside of me that I haven't filled yet.
In my mid-twenties and undergoing a disappointing life-changing event, I started to ask myself the above questions over and over, without getting any answers. I went on blindly with my life, working in a reputable company, building relationships, but still having that hollow feeling inside. I knew then by the time I was 28 that I haven't found myself yet.
It suddenly dawned on me that I wanted to get a tattoo. I was shocked. I didn't like people who have tattoos before, but having new friends who got inked kind of softened me into thinking that it's acceptable, an expression of oneself and art, and that I could have one too if I wanted to. Also, I felt like I really needed something to remind my confused, hollow self of this then current phase of my life. I had so many options and was really unsure of what to get, but my tattoo artist friend showed me this beautiful lotus flower, felt something in me stir, and without even knowing what it means, my shallow self went with it.
Drawn to the lotus flower, I felt a deep connection that I didn't understand. Little did I know how symbolic it really was for me until I searched for it right after I got inked. If I remember it right, the article said that if a lotus flower is being tattooed, it means that that person is undergoing a significant change in his or her life. Instantly I felt something warm inside of me. I began to see flashbacks of me as a teenager drawing imperfect flowers which then I realized were similar to the lotus.
This was it. This was my sign, my moment of realization, opening my eyes to what I am, filling my hollow space little by little. But I knew I still had a long way to go.
Starting to feel the pressure at work, I looked for an outlet to release it. I tried running, badminton, and was at the brink of doing swimming when someone that I now couldn't remember shared to me these weekly charity yoga sessions. So I said to myself, "Why not?" There's no harm in trying. And never did I regret that decision.
Yoga changed my life exponentially. Inside and outside the mat, I felt like a better, grounded person. No more rants on Facebook, less sarcasm on words and tone of voice, and more optimism, patience and perseverance, not to mention the diet. Whenever I practice, it gives me a feeling of contentment as I disconnect from the outside world and connect better with myself, knowing my mind, body and soul even more.
It was a little while later that I discovered that the lotus flower is also an important symbol of yoga, exuding purification and taking a step towards enlightenment. It hit me so hard. So much has gone through my life and for me to always go back to my beloved lotus gave me that sense of direction, like a compass leading me to the right road, to what I really am and to what I am supposed to be.
It was then that I decided to be a yoga teacher. It was a long way before I was able to realize this goal, but everything happened as it should be, without regrets. Whichever road I turned, every new chapter I opened and another stone unturned, my lotus flower would always show me the right way. I am deeply grateful for all my shallowness and imperfections, as it led me to where I am right at this very moment.
It's never too late to start a new beginning. Life can always bring unexpected surprises and challenging circumstances, leaving us confused and broken. But just like the lotus, all we need to do is to find that certain thing or that specific moment for us to push ourselves to come up from the dirt and blossom beautifully for all the world to see.
Namaste.
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